Hormonal imbalance, bow. Been BV and irritated for the past hours already. How do I start this? I'll be venting out.
Firstly, ate told me before eating dinner what my uncle or tita said about me when she was talking to them when she got here. Parang ang dating nag sumbong. Ang subong naman nila is that I don't say thank you (basic politeness, duh I know) whenever they drop me off during school days. Okay, I know that is a very wrong move and I admit it naman. But because of my hormonal imbalance kicking, ang dami nanamang pumasok sa utak ko na kung anu-ano.
TBH, hindi naman talaga ako close sakanila in the first place. On my four years stay here, I haven't been in "good terms" with them. Nag co-complain sila kay mommy na bakit daw ganito ako, hindi daw ako nakikihalubilo sakanila and hindi nakikipagusap. Una, I was shy! All along I thought they were "cool". But because of some happenings happened, nag iba yung tingin ko sakanila tapos sumunod nanaman ng mga hindi kanais-nais na pangyayari, nadagdagan nanaman. Ever since, I was distant na. Ayoko naman makipagplastikan, okay? Sa tuwing pinagsasabihan ako ni mommy na makipaginteract sakanila, hindi ko magawa kasi first, ayoko sa kanila. Second, ayoko magpaka-plastic, and third, ayoko nang pinipilit ang sarili ko sa mga taong ayaw ko.
Nung tumagal naman, naging okay na. Pero sa tuwing naiisip ko at nare-realize ko na okay na, dun naman may sumusulpot na bagong "issue". So ayun nasisira lang siya. Kung kelan okay na saakin ang nangyayari, may nangyayari nanaman na bago. Ampanget lang gaya sa nangyari ngayon.
Gusto ko na nga lumipat ng bahay. Actually matagal na, nung first year pa. Ayoko na dito. Pinipigilan ko lang sabihin sa rents ko kasi arr, I don't have the courage to say it and hindi ko rin kaya mag vent out. Kaya sobrang nahihirapan ako. This is my major problem kaya hindi nila alam ang side ko. Sucks right?
*sigh* I don't know what to do anymore. That's why I am super happy whenever sembreak, christmas break and summer comes. Kasi napapalayo ako sakanila hahaha. Bad, pero ganon talaga.
I can't wait till I graduate. Pero may problema naman. Pag nag aral ako ng Med, there's a possibility na dito ako tumira pero AYOKA NA PLEASE :| Ang hirap makisama sa mga taong ayaw mo, super. :((
