My year 2012

A lot of things happened during the year 2012. It was an eventful year for me because it's the year that I finally obtained my bachelors degree and opened another chapter in my life which is entering medical school. First half of my year was kinda a roller coaster. I wasn't sure if I would still enter med school or not. I was having problems in which school would I enter. The school that I want to enter didn't accept me. Throughout summer, I really debated if I should still enter or not. I was contemplating if being a doctor was for me. I was already asking God for signs if I should still go on or not. After waiting and praying, God gave me a sign-- which is to enter med school. Starting the second half of the year, there was I, a full pledge, medical student. It is kinda nice to hear and say 'medical student' haha but no, don't live up to that. There are many sacrifices to make before becoming a real medical student. Even though I didn't get in the school that I wanted, I know God has some plans for me that's why He didn't put me in that school. And I was right. I'm okay with my new school. New set of friends, classmates, and environment. It feels like I'm not a new student because our class bonded immediately and that's what I like about it. I have no regrets in entering in my school because everybody is welcoming and kind.

Year 2012 was also saddening because one of my closest friend passed away. It was so sudden that we were all shocked about the news. I am kinda not yet moved on by it because I still can't believe that my friend is not here anymore. I know that she is already happy in the arms of God in heaven. She looks out after us and I know that :)

Being medical student is really damn hard! Don't get me started enumerating ALL disadvantages! Haha! It made me become emotional (I wasn't THAT emotional before but now, oh damn!). It made me LOVE SLEEP MORE. Hahaha! It has its perks (oh really there is?) and disadvantages (A LOT mind you!). Even though it makes me want to quit SOON, our upperclassmen and professors always tells us that all of a sudden, you may question yourself why you enter this profession, but don't let that get into you. Always think why, in the first place you want to become a doctor. And, you are already here, why quit? You made that choice so you have to pursue it. At first, it is really hard but when it comes to the end, everything is worth it.

I have so many things to be grateful and thankful for to God in the year 2012. May it be in the ups or downs, I don't mind it all. I am still thankful that I'm still here, alive and kicking, blogging this post, and sharing my thoughts. May you have a peaceful and happy 2013 ahead of you! :) Happy new year!!

My heart.

Hello, blogger. Long time no post huh? It's been a yearrrr! (I think?) anyways...

This afternoon, my friend and I watched My Cactus Heart (ang jologs ba? Walang basagan ng trip, trip kong panuorin eh!). To be honest, tuwa ako sa story niya. I can somehow relate with Maja's character. The story goes like this, Sandy (Maja Salvador), is known for dumping guys and avoids l-o-v-e as much as possible and does not believe in it. Thus, she is known for having a cactus heart. When she met Carlo (Matteo Gudicelli), she finally realized and felt the true meaning of love.

How can I possibly relate with Sandy's character when in fact I didn't had any boyfriend at all? Hmm.. With Sandy's character, she was told by her boss that she's a coward for facing love and being a paranoid about it-- does not want to get hurt because of what happened to her parents. Inaamin ko dati maybe, takot nga ako mainlove dati kasi ayaw ko masaktan. Ang hirap eh, based on the experiences of my friends. May mga nabasted na ako dati kasi nga ayoko pa at hello, ang bata bata ko pa! I'm still in gradeshool for pete's sake!

Ito pa ang narealize ko sa movie, hanap ka pa ng hanap eh anjan lang pala siya sa paligid mo, nagbubulag-bulagan ka pa. Dahil sa busy mong kakahanap ng "soulmate" mo, mamaya mawala pa siya sayo nang hindi mo namamalayan. Sabi nga nila, love is about taking risks. You won't know if you don't try. Hindi naman sa trial and error, pero somehow parang ganon na nga.Ito pa, kung gusto mo maging isang happy ending ang iyong love story, nasa sayo/sainyo na yan. It's for you to make that happen. Kahit sabihin pa natin na gawa ni destiny yan, hindi pu-pwede na umasa ka kay destiny dahil you make your own destiny. Binasted mo si guy, tapos in the end, narealize mo pala na mali ang ginawa mo. Ano, diba ikaw ang nag pasya niyan? Edi kasalan mo, it's your destiny to let the love of your life get away from you (aww saklap!). Kaya nga grab the oppurtunity o strike while the iron is hot!

Alam ko naman na may mga bagay din na kailangan i-consider bago gawin ang isang bagay. Hindi naman pwede na sugod lang ng sugod. Kailangan din pag isipan ng mabuti. For situations like this, you need some guidance from God. Kailangan ng guidance at pang bukas isip and eyes noh, para maging sure.

Ang hyprocite ko naman para sabihin na hindi ako nag hahanap kay Mr. Right noh. Inaamin ko na I am, still waiting pero not in the rush. Timing, kailangan lang ng timing. Katulad ngayon, wala pa sa isip ko na sumabak sa isang relasyon at hindi pa ako handa. Ayon naman sa isang quote, love comes unexpectedly, you'll never know. Pucha, wag naman ganon -__- kaya nga todo mega pray ako kay God na, okay lang saakin na magantay kasi hindi naman ako nagmamadali kasi bata pa ako. Tapos, alam ko naman na He knows what's best for me and hindi naman Siya magbibigay na hindi karapat-dapat para saakin. I trust Him :)

Kaya sa mga atat jan (uso 'to ngayon) eh good luck na lang sainyo. Nawa'y maging masaya kayo sa ginagawa niyo. Sa mga katulad ko na in waiting, manalig lamang tayo kay God kasi hindi niya tayo pababayaan :)

09 - Emo-ish

Hormonal imbalance, bow. Been BV and irritated for the past hours already. How do I start this? I'll be venting out.

Firstly, ate told me before eating dinner what my uncle or tita said about me when she was talking to them when she got here. Parang ang dating nag sumbong. Ang subong naman nila is that I don't say thank you (basic politeness, duh I know) whenever they drop me off during school days. Okay, I know that is a very wrong move and I admit it naman. But because of my hormonal imbalance kicking, ang dami nanamang pumasok sa utak ko na kung anu-ano.

TBH, hindi naman talaga ako close sakanila in the first place. On my four years stay here, I haven't been in "good terms" with them. Nag co-complain sila kay mommy na bakit daw ganito ako, hindi daw ako nakikihalubilo sakanila and hindi nakikipagusap. Una, I was shy! All along I thought they were "cool". But because of some happenings happened, nag iba yung tingin ko sakanila tapos sumunod nanaman ng mga hindi kanais-nais na pangyayari, nadagdagan nanaman. Ever since, I was distant na. Ayoko naman makipagplastikan, okay? Sa tuwing pinagsasabihan ako ni mommy na makipaginteract sakanila, hindi ko magawa kasi first, ayoko sa kanila. Second, ayoko magpaka-plastic, and third, ayoko nang pinipilit ang sarili ko sa mga taong ayaw ko.

Nung tumagal naman, naging okay na. Pero sa tuwing naiisip ko at nare-realize ko na okay na, dun naman may sumusulpot na bagong "issue". So ayun nasisira lang siya. Kung kelan okay na saakin ang nangyayari, may nangyayari nanaman na bago. Ampanget lang gaya sa nangyari ngayon.

Gusto ko na nga lumipat ng bahay. Actually matagal na, nung first year pa. Ayoko na dito. Pinipigilan ko lang sabihin sa rents ko kasi arr, I don't have the courage to say it and hindi ko rin kaya mag vent out. Kaya sobrang nahihirapan ako. This is my major problem kaya hindi nila alam ang side ko. Sucks right?

*sigh* I don't know what to do anymore. That's why I am super happy whenever sembreak, christmas break and summer comes. Kasi napapalayo ako sakanila hahaha. Bad, pero ganon talaga.

I can't wait till I graduate. Pero may problema naman. Pag nag aral ako ng Med, there's a possibility na dito ako tumira pero AYOKA NA PLEASE :| Ang hirap makisama sa mga taong ayaw mo, super. :((

09 - Blue Sky

My mother had been telling this US trip since last year and plans on taking me with her. After a month, my parents will be flying already. We all know that it's a long process if you want to visit US, hence the approval of visa and the like. Since I just renewed my expired passport last March 29 with the problems DFA is having when it comes to producing passports, I only have a very little time to apply my visa. How sure are you that your visa can be approved in just a matter of 2 weeks before the week you'll be flying?

I lost hope. I know it'll be impossible for me to come with them but... blah. My mom keeps on reminding me to pray that I can join them. I know it's time constrained and I already accepted the fact that I can't go. I mean, there's a reason why and there's still next year. Whatever happens, bahala na si Lord. Sinasabi ko na rin sa ate ko na makakahabol pa ba? Hindi na eh. "Hindi yan!" as defended by my sister.

And now.. nung naguusap kami ni mommy about the trip and my enrollment na ako na bahala kasi nasa US sila that time, napaisip ko na "sana ako din kasama.." Pagkakataon na pero leche naman kasi kung napa-renew na't lahat lahat, wala na sanang problema! Though tapos na ako sa dramu na yan at least napa-renew ko na passport ko. Then I saw this picture in tumblr..

The famous Golden Gate bridge of San Fro.. where the first stop my parents and brother would go to first. Daya, just daya. They'll be visiting my/our healing aunt. Mom said that my aunt is anticipating me to visit her too since she's also my godmother. Aww, I kinda feel bad.

Now, I want to come with them na. Gusto ko na rin sumama. Oh gawd. I don't what will happen in May with my visa and all. Time constrain or not, sana makasama ako.

There will always be a blue sky. A blue sky waiting tomorrow full of hope..

(picture credit here)

08 - I was enchanted to meet you.

"Please don't be in love with someone else..

Please don't have somebody waiting on you.."

If ever we get to see each other again in the future and meet (which I know that it is impossible to happen) formally, please don't have somebody waiting on you..

If ever I see you with a girl, happily smiling and laughing, my heart will be shattered. And that line from that song, will be voidable :|