My year 2012

A lot of things happened during the year 2012. It was an eventful year for me because it's the year that I finally obtained my bachelors degree and opened another chapter in my life which is entering medical school. First half of my year was kinda a roller coaster. I wasn't sure if I would still enter med school or not. I was having problems in which school would I enter. The school that I want to enter didn't accept me. Throughout summer, I really debated if I should still enter or not. I was contemplating if being a doctor was for me. I was already asking God for signs if I should still go on or not. After waiting and praying, God gave me a sign-- which is to enter med school. Starting the second half of the year, there was I, a full pledge, medical student. It is kinda nice to hear and say 'medical student' haha but no, don't live up to that. There are many sacrifices to make before becoming a real medical student. Even though I didn't get in the school that I wanted, I know God has some plans for me that's why He didn't put me in that school. And I was right. I'm okay with my new school. New set of friends, classmates, and environment. It feels like I'm not a new student because our class bonded immediately and that's what I like about it. I have no regrets in entering in my school because everybody is welcoming and kind.

Year 2012 was also saddening because one of my closest friend passed away. It was so sudden that we were all shocked about the news. I am kinda not yet moved on by it because I still can't believe that my friend is not here anymore. I know that she is already happy in the arms of God in heaven. She looks out after us and I know that :)

Being medical student is really damn hard! Don't get me started enumerating ALL disadvantages! Haha! It made me become emotional (I wasn't THAT emotional before but now, oh damn!). It made me LOVE SLEEP MORE. Hahaha! It has its perks (oh really there is?) and disadvantages (A LOT mind you!). Even though it makes me want to quit SOON, our upperclassmen and professors always tells us that all of a sudden, you may question yourself why you enter this profession, but don't let that get into you. Always think why, in the first place you want to become a doctor. And, you are already here, why quit? You made that choice so you have to pursue it. At first, it is really hard but when it comes to the end, everything is worth it.

I have so many things to be grateful and thankful for to God in the year 2012. May it be in the ups or downs, I don't mind it all. I am still thankful that I'm still here, alive and kicking, blogging this post, and sharing my thoughts. May you have a peaceful and happy 2013 ahead of you! :) Happy new year!!

09 - Emo-ish

Hormonal imbalance, bow. Been BV and irritated for the past hours already. How do I start this? I'll be venting out.

Firstly, ate told me before eating dinner what my uncle or tita said about me when she was talking to them when she got here. Parang ang dating nag sumbong. Ang subong naman nila is that I don't say thank you (basic politeness, duh I know) whenever they drop me off during school days. Okay, I know that is a very wrong move and I admit it naman. But because of my hormonal imbalance kicking, ang dami nanamang pumasok sa utak ko na kung anu-ano.

TBH, hindi naman talaga ako close sakanila in the first place. On my four years stay here, I haven't been in "good terms" with them. Nag co-complain sila kay mommy na bakit daw ganito ako, hindi daw ako nakikihalubilo sakanila and hindi nakikipagusap. Una, I was shy! All along I thought they were "cool". But because of some happenings happened, nag iba yung tingin ko sakanila tapos sumunod nanaman ng mga hindi kanais-nais na pangyayari, nadagdagan nanaman. Ever since, I was distant na. Ayoko naman makipagplastikan, okay? Sa tuwing pinagsasabihan ako ni mommy na makipaginteract sakanila, hindi ko magawa kasi first, ayoko sa kanila. Second, ayoko magpaka-plastic, and third, ayoko nang pinipilit ang sarili ko sa mga taong ayaw ko.

Nung tumagal naman, naging okay na. Pero sa tuwing naiisip ko at nare-realize ko na okay na, dun naman may sumusulpot na bagong "issue". So ayun nasisira lang siya. Kung kelan okay na saakin ang nangyayari, may nangyayari nanaman na bago. Ampanget lang gaya sa nangyari ngayon.

Gusto ko na nga lumipat ng bahay. Actually matagal na, nung first year pa. Ayoko na dito. Pinipigilan ko lang sabihin sa rents ko kasi arr, I don't have the courage to say it and hindi ko rin kaya mag vent out. Kaya sobrang nahihirapan ako. This is my major problem kaya hindi nila alam ang side ko. Sucks right?

*sigh* I don't know what to do anymore. That's why I am super happy whenever sembreak, christmas break and summer comes. Kasi napapalayo ako sakanila hahaha. Bad, pero ganon talaga.

I can't wait till I graduate. Pero may problema naman. Pag nag aral ako ng Med, there's a possibility na dito ako tumira pero AYOKA NA PLEASE :| Ang hirap makisama sa mga taong ayaw mo, super. :((

07 - Partners in Crime

It's been a while since I last posted. Since wala naman akong masyadong personal insight this past weeks, my blog became idle for awhile. Yesterday, I realized some things about my thesis partner. The thought just crossed my mind.

Let me describe in brief what my thesis partner is. First of all, she's my friend. She was my ever first friend when we were in first year (college). Ever since then, we became close. Apparently, she's a consistent dean's lister in our major. She's kind, very helpful, and you can share your problems with her; personal or not. She's nice.

Even though I know things about her, there are other things that I don't quite figure out when it comes to her attitude. There are times that I get irritated by the way she speaks. Sometimes, I don't like the tone of her voice whenever she answers questions. I mean, if you're angry, just keep your voice low. I don't know if I'm the only one that notices it but it makes me irritated and want not to speak with her.

There was a time when she told us that one of our blockmate told her that she gets intimidated whenever she's (blockmate) with her (friend) because we all know that she's a DL and her presence is 'kinda' intimidating. I was surprised when she told us that and I told her that she's not intimidating. After a few months, I realized why my blockmate told her that.

Being her thesis partner, I realized things that I didn't expect that I would say. I admit, I get intimidated by her already. Why did I say that? When we were practicing the night before our proposal defense, she bombarded me with questions for our thesis. I know it's a practice but because I'm not that good in answering on the spot, I took time before answering the question. She was all quiet on the line. Whenever I say, "ano na ba yung sagot?" she would just answer, "ay ewan ko sayo". I just wanted to quit and say, "let's just study".

When we started becoming partners, I noticed some sides of her when it comes to work. I know that she's a perfectionist and she wants to put everything in order. She doesn't want a mistake to happen. Being her partner, I get stressed because of that. I was just keeping it to myself. Nobody knows how I feel. I know it's wrong to hide your feelings but I just don't want me and my partner to have some misunderstandings and conflicts. I just want us to be okay. I decided to keep things to myself and just go on in whatever is happening just to avoid conflicts.

I just hope she would realize those things. *sigh*

04 - Some people are just plain bitches

What a vulgar title, I know. Okay, instead of venting this in FB which I don't do and would not ever do, I'll just post it here since nobody from my block knows this blog.

I think it's time that I'll speak in my behalf after hearing and knowing all this drama that happened yesterday. I somewhat feel what you guys feel about her. I mean, I also felt the same way as you do when she did those stuff before BUT I wouldn't DARE TO SPEAK BEHIND HER BACK and tell those nasty things about her. I mean, come on! Tell it infront of her face, not to other people. Tapos you tell it to her friend the bad things about her. Aren't you aware that they are friends? My gosh. Aren't you thinking? And then you tell that it's her versus the block. What?! I mean, i'm not included in your drama. Not all of us are against her, it's just you guys and then you brain wash other people to join your group of bashes against her? FUCKIN' GROW UP! For pete's sakes we are already 3rd year, and we will be graduating next year. You are already facing the world, the future. And now you do these petty stuffs?? What, are you still in grade school or something? Pssh, pathetic.

Kung ayaw niyo sa tao, mas mabuti pang sabihin niyo wag yung tinatago niyo. Ano naman masama kung sasabihin niyo? Nakakabuti nga yun sa tao kasi pag nalaman niya yung mistakes niya, she/he can improve to be better. And then you also call names? What kind of friends are you, really? *raises eyebrows*

Inaamin ko, oo naiinis rin ako sa kanya dati. Pero hinding hindi ko ginagawa ang manira ng tao. Wala akong karapatan manira dahil lang sa ginawa niya. At saka, alam ko simula't-sumala pa lang na ganon na siya, na hindi niya maiiwasan na hindi gawin ang bagay na yun. Ano bang karaparatan niyo para manira ng ibang tao lalo na't hindi niyo pa siya lubusang kilala? Ang kakapal din ng mukha niyo noh?

Nakakasama lang sa loob talaga. Ang onti na lang natin, nagsisiraan pa. Nakakabadtrip talaga.

02 - In the end..

Someone I read from tumblr asked for an advice for her problem. Her situation is complicated because the guy is so malabo. He likes (and love) the girl but told her ex that he'll wait for her. See? The guy's hard to read. This is not the point of my entry haha lol just a segue.

The girl (from above) dumped a guy because she thinks that he's too perfect for her. What a bish, though she admitted that she's stupid for doing that.

I feel sad for one girl (one i'm following on tumblr) because she didn't answer the guy which in the end she regretted doing it. It was like "a right love at the wrong time." I read her story and I feel very very sad and I also pitied her rofl. It seems like I'm the one in the situation, not her :)) It's just that ang sayang kasi. Andun na eh, tapos nawala dahil ayaw mo pa, pero ready na yun guy and all. In the end, the guy found another girl, and her, is suffering from what she did and she realized that she already love the guy. Ouch, huh? Ang hirap nang ganon. Di kayo pinag bigyan ng panahon na maging kayo. Ang hirap din kasi na una, ayaw mo dun sa guy, tapos mare-realize mo lang na gusto/mahal mo na pala siya nung nawala na siya sayo. Isang malaking kantangahan para sa part mo. I should have answered him, I should have grasp of the moment, I should have never let go of the person whom I love.... etc etc. Ang hirap noh? Ikaw, naranasan mo na ba yan? :))

Can Christmas break come soon?

I cannot wait to have our 2-weeks christmas vacation on the 17th. I want to have a "me time" and reflect on things. Ever since 2nd semester started, I forgot my priorities as a student and just go with the flow of my sloth-ness :| My conscience bugged me on what happened last Saturday. I just want to change my "bad" attitude on being I-just-don't-care-on-the-things-happening-around-me stuff. I realized it's not good, at all. Because of that, I want to change for the better--a better me.

I plan on completing the dawn mass (Simbang Gabi) on the 16th unlike last year. It's a good feeling. I hope I could wake up early and not to remind me of my laziness to get up on the bed lol :))