My year 2012

A lot of things happened during the year 2012. It was an eventful year for me because it's the year that I finally obtained my bachelors degree and opened another chapter in my life which is entering medical school. First half of my year was kinda a roller coaster. I wasn't sure if I would still enter med school or not. I was having problems in which school would I enter. The school that I want to enter didn't accept me. Throughout summer, I really debated if I should still enter or not. I was contemplating if being a doctor was for me. I was already asking God for signs if I should still go on or not. After waiting and praying, God gave me a sign-- which is to enter med school. Starting the second half of the year, there was I, a full pledge, medical student. It is kinda nice to hear and say 'medical student' haha but no, don't live up to that. There are many sacrifices to make before becoming a real medical student. Even though I didn't get in the school that I wanted, I know God has some plans for me that's why He didn't put me in that school. And I was right. I'm okay with my new school. New set of friends, classmates, and environment. It feels like I'm not a new student because our class bonded immediately and that's what I like about it. I have no regrets in entering in my school because everybody is welcoming and kind.

Year 2012 was also saddening because one of my closest friend passed away. It was so sudden that we were all shocked about the news. I am kinda not yet moved on by it because I still can't believe that my friend is not here anymore. I know that she is already happy in the arms of God in heaven. She looks out after us and I know that :)

Being medical student is really damn hard! Don't get me started enumerating ALL disadvantages! Haha! It made me become emotional (I wasn't THAT emotional before but now, oh damn!). It made me LOVE SLEEP MORE. Hahaha! It has its perks (oh really there is?) and disadvantages (A LOT mind you!). Even though it makes me want to quit SOON, our upperclassmen and professors always tells us that all of a sudden, you may question yourself why you enter this profession, but don't let that get into you. Always think why, in the first place you want to become a doctor. And, you are already here, why quit? You made that choice so you have to pursue it. At first, it is really hard but when it comes to the end, everything is worth it.

I have so many things to be grateful and thankful for to God in the year 2012. May it be in the ups or downs, I don't mind it all. I am still thankful that I'm still here, alive and kicking, blogging this post, and sharing my thoughts. May you have a peaceful and happy 2013 ahead of you! :) Happy new year!!

My heart.

Hello, blogger. Long time no post huh? It's been a yearrrr! (I think?) anyways...

This afternoon, my friend and I watched My Cactus Heart (ang jologs ba? Walang basagan ng trip, trip kong panuorin eh!). To be honest, tuwa ako sa story niya. I can somehow relate with Maja's character. The story goes like this, Sandy (Maja Salvador), is known for dumping guys and avoids l-o-v-e as much as possible and does not believe in it. Thus, she is known for having a cactus heart. When she met Carlo (Matteo Gudicelli), she finally realized and felt the true meaning of love.

How can I possibly relate with Sandy's character when in fact I didn't had any boyfriend at all? Hmm.. With Sandy's character, she was told by her boss that she's a coward for facing love and being a paranoid about it-- does not want to get hurt because of what happened to her parents. Inaamin ko dati maybe, takot nga ako mainlove dati kasi ayaw ko masaktan. Ang hirap eh, based on the experiences of my friends. May mga nabasted na ako dati kasi nga ayoko pa at hello, ang bata bata ko pa! I'm still in gradeshool for pete's sake!

Ito pa ang narealize ko sa movie, hanap ka pa ng hanap eh anjan lang pala siya sa paligid mo, nagbubulag-bulagan ka pa. Dahil sa busy mong kakahanap ng "soulmate" mo, mamaya mawala pa siya sayo nang hindi mo namamalayan. Sabi nga nila, love is about taking risks. You won't know if you don't try. Hindi naman sa trial and error, pero somehow parang ganon na nga.Ito pa, kung gusto mo maging isang happy ending ang iyong love story, nasa sayo/sainyo na yan. It's for you to make that happen. Kahit sabihin pa natin na gawa ni destiny yan, hindi pu-pwede na umasa ka kay destiny dahil you make your own destiny. Binasted mo si guy, tapos in the end, narealize mo pala na mali ang ginawa mo. Ano, diba ikaw ang nag pasya niyan? Edi kasalan mo, it's your destiny to let the love of your life get away from you (aww saklap!). Kaya nga grab the oppurtunity o strike while the iron is hot!

Alam ko naman na may mga bagay din na kailangan i-consider bago gawin ang isang bagay. Hindi naman pwede na sugod lang ng sugod. Kailangan din pag isipan ng mabuti. For situations like this, you need some guidance from God. Kailangan ng guidance at pang bukas isip and eyes noh, para maging sure.

Ang hyprocite ko naman para sabihin na hindi ako nag hahanap kay Mr. Right noh. Inaamin ko na I am, still waiting pero not in the rush. Timing, kailangan lang ng timing. Katulad ngayon, wala pa sa isip ko na sumabak sa isang relasyon at hindi pa ako handa. Ayon naman sa isang quote, love comes unexpectedly, you'll never know. Pucha, wag naman ganon -__- kaya nga todo mega pray ako kay God na, okay lang saakin na magantay kasi hindi naman ako nagmamadali kasi bata pa ako. Tapos, alam ko naman na He knows what's best for me and hindi naman Siya magbibigay na hindi karapat-dapat para saakin. I trust Him :)

Kaya sa mga atat jan (uso 'to ngayon) eh good luck na lang sainyo. Nawa'y maging masaya kayo sa ginagawa niyo. Sa mga katulad ko na in waiting, manalig lamang tayo kay God kasi hindi niya tayo pababayaan :)

09 - Emo-ish

Hormonal imbalance, bow. Been BV and irritated for the past hours already. How do I start this? I'll be venting out.

Firstly, ate told me before eating dinner what my uncle or tita said about me when she was talking to them when she got here. Parang ang dating nag sumbong. Ang subong naman nila is that I don't say thank you (basic politeness, duh I know) whenever they drop me off during school days. Okay, I know that is a very wrong move and I admit it naman. But because of my hormonal imbalance kicking, ang dami nanamang pumasok sa utak ko na kung anu-ano.

TBH, hindi naman talaga ako close sakanila in the first place. On my four years stay here, I haven't been in "good terms" with them. Nag co-complain sila kay mommy na bakit daw ganito ako, hindi daw ako nakikihalubilo sakanila and hindi nakikipagusap. Una, I was shy! All along I thought they were "cool". But because of some happenings happened, nag iba yung tingin ko sakanila tapos sumunod nanaman ng mga hindi kanais-nais na pangyayari, nadagdagan nanaman. Ever since, I was distant na. Ayoko naman makipagplastikan, okay? Sa tuwing pinagsasabihan ako ni mommy na makipaginteract sakanila, hindi ko magawa kasi first, ayoko sa kanila. Second, ayoko magpaka-plastic, and third, ayoko nang pinipilit ang sarili ko sa mga taong ayaw ko.

Nung tumagal naman, naging okay na. Pero sa tuwing naiisip ko at nare-realize ko na okay na, dun naman may sumusulpot na bagong "issue". So ayun nasisira lang siya. Kung kelan okay na saakin ang nangyayari, may nangyayari nanaman na bago. Ampanget lang gaya sa nangyari ngayon.

Gusto ko na nga lumipat ng bahay. Actually matagal na, nung first year pa. Ayoko na dito. Pinipigilan ko lang sabihin sa rents ko kasi arr, I don't have the courage to say it and hindi ko rin kaya mag vent out. Kaya sobrang nahihirapan ako. This is my major problem kaya hindi nila alam ang side ko. Sucks right?

*sigh* I don't know what to do anymore. That's why I am super happy whenever sembreak, christmas break and summer comes. Kasi napapalayo ako sakanila hahaha. Bad, pero ganon talaga.

I can't wait till I graduate. Pero may problema naman. Pag nag aral ako ng Med, there's a possibility na dito ako tumira pero AYOKA NA PLEASE :| Ang hirap makisama sa mga taong ayaw mo, super. :((

09 - Blue Sky

My mother had been telling this US trip since last year and plans on taking me with her. After a month, my parents will be flying already. We all know that it's a long process if you want to visit US, hence the approval of visa and the like. Since I just renewed my expired passport last March 29 with the problems DFA is having when it comes to producing passports, I only have a very little time to apply my visa. How sure are you that your visa can be approved in just a matter of 2 weeks before the week you'll be flying?

I lost hope. I know it'll be impossible for me to come with them but... blah. My mom keeps on reminding me to pray that I can join them. I know it's time constrained and I already accepted the fact that I can't go. I mean, there's a reason why and there's still next year. Whatever happens, bahala na si Lord. Sinasabi ko na rin sa ate ko na makakahabol pa ba? Hindi na eh. "Hindi yan!" as defended by my sister.

And now.. nung naguusap kami ni mommy about the trip and my enrollment na ako na bahala kasi nasa US sila that time, napaisip ko na "sana ako din kasama.." Pagkakataon na pero leche naman kasi kung napa-renew na't lahat lahat, wala na sanang problema! Though tapos na ako sa dramu na yan at least napa-renew ko na passport ko. Then I saw this picture in tumblr..

The famous Golden Gate bridge of San Fro.. where the first stop my parents and brother would go to first. Daya, just daya. They'll be visiting my/our healing aunt. Mom said that my aunt is anticipating me to visit her too since she's also my godmother. Aww, I kinda feel bad.

Now, I want to come with them na. Gusto ko na rin sumama. Oh gawd. I don't what will happen in May with my visa and all. Time constrain or not, sana makasama ako.

There will always be a blue sky. A blue sky waiting tomorrow full of hope..

(picture credit here)

08 - I was enchanted to meet you.

"Please don't be in love with someone else..

Please don't have somebody waiting on you.."

If ever we get to see each other again in the future and meet (which I know that it is impossible to happen) formally, please don't have somebody waiting on you..

If ever I see you with a girl, happily smiling and laughing, my heart will be shattered. And that line from that song, will be voidable :|

07 - Partners in Crime

It's been a while since I last posted. Since wala naman akong masyadong personal insight this past weeks, my blog became idle for awhile. Yesterday, I realized some things about my thesis partner. The thought just crossed my mind.

Let me describe in brief what my thesis partner is. First of all, she's my friend. She was my ever first friend when we were in first year (college). Ever since then, we became close. Apparently, she's a consistent dean's lister in our major. She's kind, very helpful, and you can share your problems with her; personal or not. She's nice.

Even though I know things about her, there are other things that I don't quite figure out when it comes to her attitude. There are times that I get irritated by the way she speaks. Sometimes, I don't like the tone of her voice whenever she answers questions. I mean, if you're angry, just keep your voice low. I don't know if I'm the only one that notices it but it makes me irritated and want not to speak with her.

There was a time when she told us that one of our blockmate told her that she gets intimidated whenever she's (blockmate) with her (friend) because we all know that she's a DL and her presence is 'kinda' intimidating. I was surprised when she told us that and I told her that she's not intimidating. After a few months, I realized why my blockmate told her that.

Being her thesis partner, I realized things that I didn't expect that I would say. I admit, I get intimidated by her already. Why did I say that? When we were practicing the night before our proposal defense, she bombarded me with questions for our thesis. I know it's a practice but because I'm not that good in answering on the spot, I took time before answering the question. She was all quiet on the line. Whenever I say, "ano na ba yung sagot?" she would just answer, "ay ewan ko sayo". I just wanted to quit and say, "let's just study".

When we started becoming partners, I noticed some sides of her when it comes to work. I know that she's a perfectionist and she wants to put everything in order. She doesn't want a mistake to happen. Being her partner, I get stressed because of that. I was just keeping it to myself. Nobody knows how I feel. I know it's wrong to hide your feelings but I just don't want me and my partner to have some misunderstandings and conflicts. I just want us to be okay. I decided to keep things to myself and just go on in whatever is happening just to avoid conflicts.

I just hope she would realize those things. *sigh*

06 - One sided..

Bakit ganon? Kung kelan gusto mo na ang isang tao, dun naman siya lumayo at nakahanap na nang bago.

Bakit ganon? Sinabi niya na mag hihintay siya pero hindi niya nakayanan mag antay.

Bakit ganon? Kung kelan ready ka na, dun naman siya naging masaya sa piling ng iba?

Bakit may one sided love?

Ang hirap ata nang ganto. Tinitake for granted mo ang isang tao tapos sa huli, ikaw rin ang magsisisi kung kelan na-realize mo na mahal mo na pala siya. Pinagsisisihan mo na sana hindi mo siya pinakawalan kung kelan andun pa siya. Pero, nangyari na ang nangyari, may bago na siya, ikaw nag dudusa, nakikita silang dalawa magkasama na masaya. Ang sakit diba?

Bakit kaya existing ang gantong feeling? Bakit kaya nag e-exist ang one sided love kung hindi naman kayang i-return ang feelings ng taong mahal mo sayo? Siguro para matuto ka rin masaktan at makapag realize na kailangan mo nang tumigil para makahanap na ng iba. Siguro para ma-realize mo na hindi mo na-appreciate yung taong nag mahal sayo dati kaya ngayon nagsisisi ka.

Naranasan mo na mag mahal ng one sided love?

05 - I just wish..

Since Chinese New Year is already on Thursday, there are a lot of specials from shows on TV. One was Us Girls. One feng sui expert said if you wanted your love life to have a 'life', lit 8 pink candles on your room. You should be alone, and make a wish for your love life (any wish). I was thinking of doing it but thinking of it, it was kinda creepy lol.

Wish.. hmm. My wish is so mababaw. It is. Haha. I just wanted to meet see him. Just once then okay na. Masyado kasi akong nadala sa joke ko noon tapos kung maka-expect naman ako.. :)) Haha. Sana kung hindi man lang tinupad yung sign eti sana hindi ako ganto, hindi nag e-expect. Sinabi ko na nga na mahirap mag expect kasi masasaktan ka lang pero, ang hirap gawin, mahirap talaga. Ayoko nga mag isip pero hindi ko maiwasan. For sure, ganon din kayo XD Diba? :))

04 - Some people are just plain bitches

What a vulgar title, I know. Okay, instead of venting this in FB which I don't do and would not ever do, I'll just post it here since nobody from my block knows this blog.

I think it's time that I'll speak in my behalf after hearing and knowing all this drama that happened yesterday. I somewhat feel what you guys feel about her. I mean, I also felt the same way as you do when she did those stuff before BUT I wouldn't DARE TO SPEAK BEHIND HER BACK and tell those nasty things about her. I mean, come on! Tell it infront of her face, not to other people. Tapos you tell it to her friend the bad things about her. Aren't you aware that they are friends? My gosh. Aren't you thinking? And then you tell that it's her versus the block. What?! I mean, i'm not included in your drama. Not all of us are against her, it's just you guys and then you brain wash other people to join your group of bashes against her? FUCKIN' GROW UP! For pete's sakes we are already 3rd year, and we will be graduating next year. You are already facing the world, the future. And now you do these petty stuffs?? What, are you still in grade school or something? Pssh, pathetic.

Kung ayaw niyo sa tao, mas mabuti pang sabihin niyo wag yung tinatago niyo. Ano naman masama kung sasabihin niyo? Nakakabuti nga yun sa tao kasi pag nalaman niya yung mistakes niya, she/he can improve to be better. And then you also call names? What kind of friends are you, really? *raises eyebrows*

Inaamin ko, oo naiinis rin ako sa kanya dati. Pero hinding hindi ko ginagawa ang manira ng tao. Wala akong karapatan manira dahil lang sa ginawa niya. At saka, alam ko simula't-sumala pa lang na ganon na siya, na hindi niya maiiwasan na hindi gawin ang bagay na yun. Ano bang karaparatan niyo para manira ng ibang tao lalo na't hindi niyo pa siya lubusang kilala? Ang kakapal din ng mukha niyo noh?

Nakakasama lang sa loob talaga. Ang onti na lang natin, nagsisiraan pa. Nakakabadtrip talaga.

03 - So high school..

JSYK, I should be making my essay which is due this day and what time is it? Already 11:16 PM, great..

Okay, my mind is on the mood to make an entry just because I've read a post from tumblr and me wants to say something about it.. ;)

High school.. they say high school is one of the most memorable moment in your life that you experience. I know not everyone will not agree on this. I, myself was thinking too before if this saying is really true. I actually thought that high school is boring and hell-- because of the people/classmates you have. But I guess things will turn out differently when school days goes by.. it happened to me.

I miss high school, yes, I do. It's because of my friends and the things we do before. I miss some of my classes and teachers. I miss the laughable moments when something happens to the class. The kapasawayan of my classmates and all. I'm not one of the girls who fell in love and got a fling or a boyfriend way back in high school and stuff. I didn't have and wasn't involve in any high school 'drama' or so. I've got issues with a friend but it got resolved in the end. It was plainly on my friends and the usual stuff we do that was fun and exciting. I tell you, in my section every year, we are not united, at all. There were different cliques on both sections so that's why there weren't any unity. I even hate our adviser on my 4th year :))

My point is, if you want your high school life to be fun and memorable, you have to make it. Don't sulk in the corner, and be quiet all the time. I tell you, it will not do anything. You'll just say that high school is/was a bitch for you. It's because you weren't doing anything 'exciting' at all. :)) Talk to your batch mates whom you weren't close to before.

I'm a senior. I can't do anything anymore. It's not too late! Spend your time with your classmates and friends. Bond together. And after, you'll know why high school was/is one of the memorable moments in life.

First Love ( A Little Thing Called Love); Movie Review

First of all, Mario Maurer is soooooo hot and handsome. I did not watch this movie because of him, okay fine I admit, one of the reason was him, being in the movie lol and because of the story. Everyone could relate to it because I know this happens in high school. Yeah, so high school...

I literally bawled my eyes out to the point where I couldn't breathe anymore rofl. This movie is highly recommended for everybody! Why? Watch the trailer below and you'll know why ;)

JSYK, the movie is from Thailand ;)

02 - In the end..

Someone I read from tumblr asked for an advice for her problem. Her situation is complicated because the guy is so malabo. He likes (and love) the girl but told her ex that he'll wait for her. See? The guy's hard to read. This is not the point of my entry haha lol just a segue.

The girl (from above) dumped a guy because she thinks that he's too perfect for her. What a bish, though she admitted that she's stupid for doing that.

I feel sad for one girl (one i'm following on tumblr) because she didn't answer the guy which in the end she regretted doing it. It was like "a right love at the wrong time." I read her story and I feel very very sad and I also pitied her rofl. It seems like I'm the one in the situation, not her :)) It's just that ang sayang kasi. Andun na eh, tapos nawala dahil ayaw mo pa, pero ready na yun guy and all. In the end, the guy found another girl, and her, is suffering from what she did and she realized that she already love the guy. Ouch, huh? Ang hirap nang ganon. Di kayo pinag bigyan ng panahon na maging kayo. Ang hirap din kasi na una, ayaw mo dun sa guy, tapos mare-realize mo lang na gusto/mahal mo na pala siya nung nawala na siya sayo. Isang malaking kantangahan para sa part mo. I should have answered him, I should have grasp of the moment, I should have never let go of the person whom I love.... etc etc. Ang hirap noh? Ikaw, naranasan mo na ba yan? :))

No Boyfriend Since Birth

Let me share what I've posted this afternoon in Teentalk's NBSB thread..

I posted on this thread a few years back, way back when I was still in high school and I'll be posting again now that I'm on my 3rd year in college.. still NBSB.

I've back read from page 48 till the present page this past hour and I have to say that I agree with some of you..

Ang dami kong na-realize this past years.. and I don't know kung agree ba kayo o hindi though we all have different points of view diba?

Before when I was still 14-16 yrs. old (now 18), I have such high standards when it comes to guys (I know you girls also do ) Sinasabi sa akin nung isang classmate ko nung high school na bat daw ba ang hirap namin i-please when it comes to guys, etc. Ang ta-taas daw ng standards namin. Alam niyo naman ang mga "semi"-teenagers (high school) ((: Uso kasi sa high school yung kailangan may bf or gf ka for the sake of being "in". Kailangan maki-uso ka and stuff or else, "loser" ka. I never thought of that before. Iniisip ko, what's the logic behind it, really? Just to impress people? Uso din kasi ang peer pressure during that time. That didn't get into me and I thank God for that

Sinasabi din nila na ang pihikan ko daw sa lalake, I don't deny the fact that I am. Pero na-realize ko na hindi lahat ng lalake eh makaka-fit sa standards mo lalo't na pag hindi kaabot-abot iyon. Everyone has flaws, and you have to deal with it. Gaya nga nang sabi na, pag nasa relationship ka na, you have to accept your partner's flaws.. Kaya, hinay-hinay sa pag set ng standards kasi pano kapag hindi naabot yun? I'm not saying na it's bad to set, I guess you have to set standards yung mga attainable ba.

Hindi naman ako NSSB, I've had 3 or 4? 2 of them were in grade school (loooool ikr?) Nakakaloka kasi nag letter pa yung guy sa akin that time tapos sinabi ko na marami pa namang ibang babae, bat ako pa yung pinili niya? Pag naalala ko yung time na yun, napag isip-isip ko, ang mature ko naman mag salita nung mga panahon na yan. I was only 10 years old that time! Ngayong college naman, walang nag a-attempt na mangligaw sa akin. Hindi naman ako sad, okay lang sa akin. I don't care though XD One time, tinanong nga ako nung friend ko kung ano daw gagawin ko kung may gustong mangligaw sa akin. Ang sagot ko, itu-turn down ko siya. I'm not being harsh or anything, it's just that ayaw ko kasing magpa-asa ng tao kung alam ko naman na wala ring patutunguhan yung panliligaw niya, diba? Mas mabuti pang sabihin mo na ng maaga kesa sa umaasa siya.

And I also don't get it when people ask you if you have a bf and then you answer them with "I don't have one" and they're all "weh, di nga?" nakakainis yung mga ganon. Ayaw maniwala eh sinasagot mo lang naman yung tanong nila. Ganon na ba ka-indemand ang magkaron ng bf ngayon? diba?

I want to graduate college being an NBSB still. Nothing's wrong with it naman diba? As long as you're happy and contended with what you have-- that's all that matters naman.

Kudos sa ating mga NBSB!

That's not even complete. I just shared some of what's on my mind about it, or else it'll be long! :))

Fall in love this christmas

This Christmas - JYP Nation

Christmas (that’s what I want)

Fall in love this Christmas (that’s what I need)

Fall in love this Christmas

This Christmas

This Christmas

Fall in love

I just wanna be in love this Christmas.

The present that I want is only this.

To fall in love

Lonely winter night again

Walking along the street by myself

Chilly wind gets into my clothes

It makes my heart chilly

Among many people I look their happy faces.

Smiling for a long time, I turn around lonely in the end.

Moving my steps

I don’t wanna be alone this Christmas.

I want to meet somebody Like the couples on other streets

I want to share lovely words.

That’s all I want.

As time passes, I think I get weary by loneliness.

I can’t be accustomed to it.

I feel I am alone more and more.

I want to smile this year.

Like the figures on the movies.

Under pretty Christmas trees

Sharing presents together and spending nights

I just wanna be in love this Christmas.

That’s the only present I want.

To fall in love

I am scared of repeatedly coming winter.

Sweet carol stings my heart since it is too scary.

Splendid lights in the city make me sad. Tears in my eyes

Oh no. not any more, now. No Christmas

If I can turn over the calendar,

I want to skip December every year.

I feel hurt and lonely.

I don’t want to stay alone.

I don’t want sad Christmas any more.

I wish my dream comes true this time.

I wish my dream comes true

I don’t wanna be alone this Christmas.

I want to meet somebody Like couples on the other streets

I want to share lovely words.

That’s all I want.

I just wanna be in love this Christmas.

That’s the only present that I want.

To fall in love

To fall in love this Christmas(that’s what I want)

To fall in love this Christmas(that’s what I need)

To fall in love this Christmas This Christmas This Christmas

To fall in love this Christmas

I just wish. This year..

It’ll be different.

No more lonely Christmas.

I wanna fall in love this Christmas.

This video made me happy. Just fall in love this Christmas :)

lyrics credits: JYPe, WonderfulGeneration

01 - Why Can't It Be?

"TEXT" Story of Bestfriends

by Marcelo Santos III

I admit, I teared up in the end of the story ;______; Why o why does sad endings always make me cry? But I like sad endings though rofl :))

Can Christmas break come soon?

I cannot wait to have our 2-weeks christmas vacation on the 17th. I want to have a "me time" and reflect on things. Ever since 2nd semester started, I forgot my priorities as a student and just go with the flow of my sloth-ness :| My conscience bugged me on what happened last Saturday. I just want to change my "bad" attitude on being I-just-don't-care-on-the-things-happening-around-me stuff. I realized it's not good, at all. Because of that, I want to change for the better--a better me.

I plan on completing the dawn mass (Simbang Gabi) on the 16th unlike last year. It's a good feeling. I hope I could wake up early and not to remind me of my laziness to get up on the bed lol :))